I'm sick of snow. I'm sick of hearing about snow. I'm sick of the color white. I'm sick of the cold. I'm sick of the wind. I want to look out my window and see pretty color flowers, leaves on trees, buds & bees. Please leave winter, please make your entrance spring!
Next topic. So, I suck at drawing but lately it's all I want to do. So I do it. It may not be too pretty, but it lets me release some creative energy that I need out! You know what I can not do? WRITE!! Or take photos. I have no desire to even look at my camera. I've tried to write, I get nothing. I hate that. For Paul Mitchell Academy I need to write 200 words about myself. HAH. I can't form a single sentence. I searched my writer's blog, but couldn't find anything I could use. Eh, I guess it will come. I just wish I never experienced these "blocks" in my creativity! I think it's normal, but that doesn't mean it doesn't stress me out. I did buy a new charcoal drawing yesterday. I'm in love with it. Ryan likes it, but says it wasn't "what he thought it was going to be". Oh well I thought I was going to have to pay $500, and I got it for $100. So I was THRILLED to say the least. It's a cabbage patch looking doll, with his throat cut. Behind him is a really sad story. I need to post pics huh? lol I will at some point. Today, I plan on making another piece for Melinda entitled "She talks to angels" because that song reminds me so much of her. ;)
Speaking of Melinda! We have started a new tradition--family night! We get together once a week for good food, games, and movies! It was so fun last Sunday! I've been looking forward to it all week! Tomorrow is the big day again! Ryan thinks it's a blast too. To keep friends close, we must make an effort to not lose each other. I think this is our effort. Thus far I think it's bringing us all much closer!
February 14th--VALENTINE'S DAY. I hate it. I always have. I like to ignore the day. It was the day in 1996 that I was diagnosed with diabetes. BITE ME V DAY!! Any who, this year is no different. I will not be getting any valentine's present, EXCEPT for this uber cool new machine that I want, and Ryan insists on getting. It's a watch looking thing that tracks your blood sugar at night. If it dips too low (which is a regular occurrence for me) it vibrates and lights up and beeps in order to wake you up! Therefore, hopefully no more passing out! That's my v-day gift. Cool by me. At least Ryan won't be constantly waking me up at night making me check my blood sugar! Technology can be great sometimes, eh? Other than my nifty new gadget to keep me from passing out, we will be celebrating Valentine's Day with our pals for family night! FOOD, GAMES, MOVIES, AND MEMORIES! Yay! For making me feel human, and not "diabetic". It will be 14 years this year. I can't remember life before it. I like it that way. Next year, the big 15, I will start my rib piece, that has everything to do with diabetes. I'm stoked. I was going to start it this year, but figured I should wait til the big 1-5. Enough of this stuff...
Lastly, I would like to say CONGRATULATIONS to Alexis Neal for passing her state boards for nursing yesterday! We celebrated with binge eating Chinese food & shopping! She is having a hard time right now, her husband is due to leave for Afghanistan soon. His 3rd tour? Please pray for her. I'm sure she'd love to hear of people keeping them in their thoughts & prayers. They are very good people. Ryan and I love them dearly!
Oh yeah--food for thought: If we evolved from monkeys. WHY ARE THERE STILL MONKEYS?!?! All kinds of them?! and apes? I'm confused. Why wouldn't we all just become human? It makes no sense to me. If you can shed light on this, please feel free. Otherwise I'm convinced I, nor my ancestors, evolved from a damn ape.
That's all I have for now, peace & love everyone.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Ok, so...
I am officially done with "college" for now anyways. My mom and I went to Paul Mitchell Hair Academy on Wednesday, and I think I fell in love. My mom said, "I've never seen you look so happy or comfortable, or atleast in a while." So there you have it. I start March 1. After 6 weeks of extensive training classes, this lady will be on the floor, cutting and coloring hair @ the Paul Mitchell school/salon. Of course I'll have 12 months to go after that. But, still I am beyond exited!! So, to you that read my random blogs, about May, you can call me your hair stylist!! =) I've already planned make overs for a few people in my life. On the house! lol.
Ryan is still trying to decided between marines and fire academy. He finally told his family, and the reacted fairly well, or atleast most of them. So, now I don't have to hide the horror I'm feeling about my husbands wanting to leave me and possibly go to war! I'm in full support of whatever he wishes to do though!
That's all. We are working on finding our places in society. I think I've found mine, and it was the best high ever. I hope my husband feels the same relieve I did when he figures out what he wants to do. Until then, he has all my support and love.
Peace && Love.
Ryan is still trying to decided between marines and fire academy. He finally told his family, and the reacted fairly well, or atleast most of them. So, now I don't have to hide the horror I'm feeling about my husbands wanting to leave me and possibly go to war! I'm in full support of whatever he wishes to do though!
That's all. We are working on finding our places in society. I think I've found mine, and it was the best high ever. I hope my husband feels the same relieve I did when he figures out what he wants to do. Until then, he has all my support and love.
Peace && Love.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
What I Love About You
I love my husband. Almost a year that we've been married (320 days exactly), and I love him more each day. I know this because from the time I wake up everyday, and he's gone, I count down until he comes home. Usually impatiently! When people look at my boo, or those who don't know him well usually can't get past his harsh front. Yep, it's all a front. He's a pretty big teddy bear, when he wants to be! But honestly, if you don't know him well you probably have this impression of him: he is a redneck, racist, deisel mechanic, that enjoys rock and roll because it's in his blood, and country because they sing "songs about him", that he's tough and macho. Well, you could be somewhat right! but there's so much more that he keeps the world from knowing. I bet a man, whom he's been friends with since he was born doesn't know much more than what I previously stated. I think he picks and chooses who he shows all of himself too. It's probably easier for him that way, so then he can remain the tough guy, you won't mess with! But, anyways here are some reasons why I can't get enough of my badass husband:
1). Every time he comes home and I'm not in the kitchen, he asks our dogs "Where's mama?" And then when he locates me in the house, its always an instant smile and "Hey little lady, whatcha doin?"
2). When we are going to sleep, I always get a good night kiss and he says "Good night love"
3). When I do something dramatic like idk, shave my head! He looks at me as if I'm the prettiest woman he's ever seen!
4). He got a tattoo of a pinup girl and insisted on changing her features so she looked more like me! He even took off her heels and put chucks on her!
5). He can easily lay around and read a book for hours on end. I find him absolutely irrisistable when his nose is buried in a book!
6). He considers our 2 dogs, Case and Carter, his babies, or more his sons!
7). Every little girl steals and melts his heart.
8). He'd make the best dad ever, and that is one of his goals in life.
9). He wants nothing more than to "take care of me" even though I'm probably the biggest pain in his butt that he knows!
10). He brags to everyone about my awesome ballet moves.
11). He acts tough, but only Dara Jo and I know how he is such a baby when getting tattooed.
12). He wants to serve our country, because he says he's not afraid to die for what our country has, and he knows it would better our life, and everyone else's that he knows.
13). He has an amazing voice and he's always singing and humming!
14). He stands in the shower for long periods of time, which I take full advantage of and talk his ear off. I sometimes think he does it just to listen to me.
15). He loves classical music.
16). He loves art.
17). He loves my art.
18). He secretly reads everything I write!
19). He's the most stubborn person ever.
20). He takes good care of his family.
21). He cried while I was walking down the aisle at at our wedding.
22). He is one hell of a friend.
23). He tells everyone he doesn't hunt because it's too cold, when honestly it's because he says he couldn't kill any animal besides a spider.
24). He loves Hank 3 but doesn't agree with what he sings about, he says he just has an awesome style.
25). He puts up with me everyday, and says he wouldn't have it any other way.
Basically, he's a cultured country man. He's very into the arts, even though he doesn't talk about them much. I like to say he can hang where ever. I love him as big as the sky. I could go on about him for ever. I hope this little tid bit of info makes you see how complex my husband is. He likes to say he's a simple man, but thats just one of his many fronts. He's a good man. I'm lucky beyond what I deserve.
1). Every time he comes home and I'm not in the kitchen, he asks our dogs "Where's mama?" And then when he locates me in the house, its always an instant smile and "Hey little lady, whatcha doin?"
2). When we are going to sleep, I always get a good night kiss and he says "Good night love"
3). When I do something dramatic like idk, shave my head! He looks at me as if I'm the prettiest woman he's ever seen!
4). He got a tattoo of a pinup girl and insisted on changing her features so she looked more like me! He even took off her heels and put chucks on her!
5). He can easily lay around and read a book for hours on end. I find him absolutely irrisistable when his nose is buried in a book!
6). He considers our 2 dogs, Case and Carter, his babies, or more his sons!
7). Every little girl steals and melts his heart.
8). He'd make the best dad ever, and that is one of his goals in life.
9). He wants nothing more than to "take care of me" even though I'm probably the biggest pain in his butt that he knows!
10). He brags to everyone about my awesome ballet moves.
11). He acts tough, but only Dara Jo and I know how he is such a baby when getting tattooed.
12). He wants to serve our country, because he says he's not afraid to die for what our country has, and he knows it would better our life, and everyone else's that he knows.
13). He has an amazing voice and he's always singing and humming!
14). He stands in the shower for long periods of time, which I take full advantage of and talk his ear off. I sometimes think he does it just to listen to me.
15). He loves classical music.
16). He loves art.
17). He loves my art.
18). He secretly reads everything I write!
19). He's the most stubborn person ever.
20). He takes good care of his family.
21). He cried while I was walking down the aisle at at our wedding.
22). He is one hell of a friend.
23). He tells everyone he doesn't hunt because it's too cold, when honestly it's because he says he couldn't kill any animal besides a spider.
24). He loves Hank 3 but doesn't agree with what he sings about, he says he just has an awesome style.
25). He puts up with me everyday, and says he wouldn't have it any other way.
Basically, he's a cultured country man. He's very into the arts, even though he doesn't talk about them much. I like to say he can hang where ever. I love him as big as the sky. I could go on about him for ever. I hope this little tid bit of info makes you see how complex my husband is. He likes to say he's a simple man, but thats just one of his many fronts. He's a good man. I'm lucky beyond what I deserve.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
I have faith.
So, a friend and I were talking about God today. Well, more so people that preach to everyone about God, and how we should live, think, act, talk, dress...etc. They preach it and 2 seconds later turn around and do the exact opposite of what the hell they were just screaming! Why? Why must certain people scream from the roof tops about their beliefs and/or religion, and make us try and feel bad, and then do exactly what they told us NOT to? It doesn't make any sense to me.
Anywho, most people have no clue what I believe in. Am I Christian? I'm not sure. I can't label it, or myself. All that I need people to know is that I strongly believe in God. I do not believe is here to take care of me. I think he put me here to make my own way. He gave me all the things I need to make my life, productive and prosperous. He is there when I need him, but never holding my hand, or helping me take steps. I am his child, and like all parents he wants me to do right, become independent, and make a life for myself. So, yes I believe all children go to Heaven (and yes I believe in Heaven!). All children go because they have yet to learn everything needed to do right.
I believe we all worship the same God. We may call him different things, we may worship in totally different ways, but he is one in the same. Across the board, there is a language barrier among foreigners right? We refer to the same object, as different things, or with different names. That leads me to believe in ONE God, and ONE God only.
I do not believe in the devil. Show me where in the Bible, you see someone named, "The Devil". So, don't bring that BS to me about "the devil made me do it." No, your own weakness made you do it. I believe we should take our actions and stand behind them. Would God really want you to place blame? hah. NO. And secondly, the Bible was written by a HUMAN. Therefore, there is a massive amount of judgement and biased information in it. It wasn't written by God or Jesus themselves. No, it was written by people who supposedly knew Jesus, or knew people who knew Jesus. So, let's recall the game, telephone, you know where you sit in a circle and whisper the same phrase, and when it gets back to the first person, it's completely and totally different than when they started it? Yeah, I think of a person writing the Bible, like I do the game telephone! I can tell a story to a friend, and by the time it reaches back to me, it's never the same. Details are left out, some put in. I'm not one to read nor follow the Bible religiously. I merely take the information in as if it were food for thought.
I believe in my own way of worshiping God. I treat people as I want to be treated, I try to do good, I do not litter, I take care of his Earth. You see it's the small things I do to let God know I am making him proud, I am independent, I am growing, just as I do my own biological parents. I'm not sure, this is all too much to put in ONE blog.
I'll leave it at this, I believe what I believe. I've taken a long time to get to know myself and my beliefs. I do not regurgitate what someone has told me. I figured it out for myself. I could go on, but if you want to know more about my beliefs,ask I'll share! I'm sure you can find holes in them, but I can find holes in your belief system too! That's what it's called FAITH. There is no right or wrong. You just have to have faith. When asked what do I believe in? I simply answer "I have faith". If intrigued enough the other person will ask all the questions they want, and I will honestly answer.
Until next time, Peace & Love.
Anywho, most people have no clue what I believe in. Am I Christian? I'm not sure. I can't label it, or myself. All that I need people to know is that I strongly believe in God. I do not believe is here to take care of me. I think he put me here to make my own way. He gave me all the things I need to make my life, productive and prosperous. He is there when I need him, but never holding my hand, or helping me take steps. I am his child, and like all parents he wants me to do right, become independent, and make a life for myself. So, yes I believe all children go to Heaven (and yes I believe in Heaven!). All children go because they have yet to learn everything needed to do right.
I believe we all worship the same God. We may call him different things, we may worship in totally different ways, but he is one in the same. Across the board, there is a language barrier among foreigners right? We refer to the same object, as different things, or with different names. That leads me to believe in ONE God, and ONE God only.
I do not believe in the devil. Show me where in the Bible, you see someone named, "The Devil". So, don't bring that BS to me about "the devil made me do it." No, your own weakness made you do it. I believe we should take our actions and stand behind them. Would God really want you to place blame? hah. NO. And secondly, the Bible was written by a HUMAN. Therefore, there is a massive amount of judgement and biased information in it. It wasn't written by God or Jesus themselves. No, it was written by people who supposedly knew Jesus, or knew people who knew Jesus. So, let's recall the game, telephone, you know where you sit in a circle and whisper the same phrase, and when it gets back to the first person, it's completely and totally different than when they started it? Yeah, I think of a person writing the Bible, like I do the game telephone! I can tell a story to a friend, and by the time it reaches back to me, it's never the same. Details are left out, some put in. I'm not one to read nor follow the Bible religiously. I merely take the information in as if it were food for thought.
I believe in my own way of worshiping God. I treat people as I want to be treated, I try to do good, I do not litter, I take care of his Earth. You see it's the small things I do to let God know I am making him proud, I am independent, I am growing, just as I do my own biological parents. I'm not sure, this is all too much to put in ONE blog.
I'll leave it at this, I believe what I believe. I've taken a long time to get to know myself and my beliefs. I do not regurgitate what someone has told me. I figured it out for myself. I could go on, but if you want to know more about my beliefs,ask I'll share! I'm sure you can find holes in them, but I can find holes in your belief system too! That's what it's called FAITH. There is no right or wrong. You just have to have faith. When asked what do I believe in? I simply answer "I have faith". If intrigued enough the other person will ask all the questions they want, and I will honestly answer.
Until next time, Peace & Love.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
It's coooold.
I JUST POSTED THE LONGEST BLOG EVER AND BLOGGER F'ED IT UP. I REFUSE TO WRITE IT AGAIN. BUT KNOW THAT I AM ONE PISSED OFF BIATCH. SCREW YOU BLOGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Hopeless, but not helpless.
So, Ryan has been sick for the last ummmm...6 days? Considering he is spoiled baby, you can only image how he acts when he is ill. Anyway, on to the point here... I did everything I can to make the man more comfortable: Zicam, Vitamin C, green tea, orange juice, gatorade, tissues WITH lotion, picked up his part of the daily chores, back massages, rubbed his head until he fell asleep, and waited beck & call. Yes! I did all that! I am one kick-ass wifey. ;) hah. I did all of this while still feeling completely helpless. What I've done/did didn't make him any better, or atleast not immediately anyway.
All of this helplessness made me wonder if that is how he feels about me? I mean, let's face the facts here, I am not the healthiest, most strapping 21-year-old around. 14+ years of diabetes has taken it's toll on my body for sure. I am out of control, and I know this. I try to do what I can, but without medical insurance, and a team of physicians on my side, I fail at diabetes. I honestly have not seen an endocrinologist in over 7 years. I should be going to see one once every 3 months. I guess you can say I've missed out on a lot, to say the least. Ugh..back on topic....
So, I wonder if Ryan feels helpless to me? I asked him if he was prepared to watch me die? (I know depressing to most, but if you know me well enough, that shouldn't surprise you in the least.) His answer: "Yes, I watch it everyday." Is this fair? Not to me, to him. I wonder why he stayed so long? That's love right there ladies & gents! That's true love! "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you." --The Notebook.
When we were younger I told him my biggest fear-dieing alone...(I mean physicalling alone, with no one around). He reassured me that he would never let that happen since then, I am ok with dieing. My only problem is that people that I love have to witness it...slowly. I'm not sure which is worse? Feeling it, or watching it? But, I hope you don't feel helpless...none of you. Each one of you give me something to smile about, to prove, to strive for...you make everyday more comfortable.
I'm not giving up til the fat lady sings, and I've still got time to rip her damn vocal cords out! My current plan is to visit with a holistic healer, as soon as possible. I believe I'll get all the help I'll need from that--the natural way. Apparently, man-made, synthetic drugs do not work for me, as we all can see. Don't take me the wrong way, I'm still going to take my insulin & check my blood sugar. That's it. With that and whatever my healer reccommmends I'm well on my way to becoming healthier, for you & for me.
Peace && Love
All of this helplessness made me wonder if that is how he feels about me? I mean, let's face the facts here, I am not the healthiest, most strapping 21-year-old around. 14+ years of diabetes has taken it's toll on my body for sure. I am out of control, and I know this. I try to do what I can, but without medical insurance, and a team of physicians on my side, I fail at diabetes. I honestly have not seen an endocrinologist in over 7 years. I should be going to see one once every 3 months. I guess you can say I've missed out on a lot, to say the least. Ugh..back on topic....
So, I wonder if Ryan feels helpless to me? I asked him if he was prepared to watch me die? (I know depressing to most, but if you know me well enough, that shouldn't surprise you in the least.) His answer: "Yes, I watch it everyday." Is this fair? Not to me, to him. I wonder why he stayed so long? That's love right there ladies & gents! That's true love! "The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. I love you." --The Notebook.
When we were younger I told him my biggest fear-dieing alone...(I mean physicalling alone, with no one around). He reassured me that he would never let that happen since then, I am ok with dieing. My only problem is that people that I love have to witness it...slowly. I'm not sure which is worse? Feeling it, or watching it? But, I hope you don't feel helpless...none of you. Each one of you give me something to smile about, to prove, to strive for...you make everyday more comfortable.
I'm not giving up til the fat lady sings, and I've still got time to rip her damn vocal cords out! My current plan is to visit with a holistic healer, as soon as possible. I believe I'll get all the help I'll need from that--the natural way. Apparently, man-made, synthetic drugs do not work for me, as we all can see. Don't take me the wrong way, I'm still going to take my insulin & check my blood sugar. That's it. With that and whatever my healer reccommmends I'm well on my way to becoming healthier, for you & for me.
Peace && Love
Friday, October 16, 2009
Umm. Humm. De. Dummm.
Hm, so it's been a minute since I did this. I don't have much time, and when I do, I'd rather not blog. lol. Anyways, I'm still in pain 24/7, I just choose to ignore it. I miss having down time, and yet my life seems to be perfect at the same time. With all my crazy busy-ness well, I don't have time to think about how bad my feet hurt, or head, or kidneys, or whatever decided to fall apart on me that day. I'm working! OMG! Yes! I said it, I now have a J. O. B. And now I completely understand why my husband hates his life....HAHAHAHA HA jk.
I miss my sister and her family!!! I get to see them for Thanksgiving though.
We got a new house, all to ourselves again! Thank goodness! I can walk around clothes-less again!! ;) It's small, but quiant. I swear, we'll be popping out babies any time now, just because we have no where to put them...that's our kinda luck. lmao.
Ummm..I HATE NKU. I'm transferring in January.
I love and miss Dara Jo Allen more than words can express. :(
I have nothing else to say, but I do have lots of homework, so
PEACE OUT BITCHES!! haha.
I miss my sister and her family!!! I get to see them for Thanksgiving though.
We got a new house, all to ourselves again! Thank goodness! I can walk around clothes-less again!! ;) It's small, but quiant. I swear, we'll be popping out babies any time now, just because we have no where to put them...that's our kinda luck. lmao.
Ummm..I HATE NKU. I'm transferring in January.
I love and miss Dara Jo Allen more than words can express. :(
I have nothing else to say, but I do have lots of homework, so
PEACE OUT BITCHES!! haha.
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