The comparison...
Something I haven't really let cross my mind lately. As I sat here about to blog, I had to hear it. My dad is on the phone with an old friend. He is talking about his children (us, me whatev.) Yep, the comparison of me and my sister, Melisha. You all may not know my sister, but I will try to explain a little about her, if I can. We can't relate to each other at all really, so I'm sure it's going to be hard. First, she is an accountant for International Paper. She's been with them for many years. She is 31, yep 10 years older than I. She is the complete opposite of me, in every way. She is a business-brained person. Her job is to crunch numbers all day, and she claims she enjoys it very much. She is on the fast track to becoming an CEO of IP. So, of course my parents rave about her. I'm sure it does feel awesome to have a daughter doing so well. But, for my brother and I, who love to live life, and not necessarily WORK it away, we feel left out sometimes. I can't really speak for him, but I do know my brother is one of the smartest people I know, yet he rarely gets credit. I give him credit though! The man is a genius! He could do anything he wants to! I'm fine with the fact that he builds stages and does lighting and all that jazz, he loves it! So, I'm in full support of him. He supports his family and loves his job! Go Jame!
Back to my sister! She is doing well for herself, but she's had my family's support. She claims to have done it ALL by herself, but I don't believe that to be true. We won't get into that. I don't want to give you the wrong impression. She has moved 4 times all over the country to gain higher positions in her company. She has her MBA, which deserves a standing ovation! She is about 5'5, maybe 108 pounds, blond hair, small features. The exact opposite of me. We do have the same color eyes though! We get them from our dad! lol.
I've always had to try to live up to her. I've had so much pressure put on me. When I was younger nothing I did was first, I heard "Melisha did that". I've lived in her shadow for 20 years. Last year, I stopped, I do what I want now. It's liberating! So liberating! Needless to say my resent drop out from NKU, and enrollment to Paul Mitchell Hair Academy, upset her. Probably upset a lot of my family.
I am liberated of her. And until today, when my dad was on the phone, and had more to say about her than me, was I reminded of her shadow. Apparently the person on the other end, also wanted to know more about my sister than I. I mean which sounds better: someone on the fast track to being a big shot in a huge company, or a girl who thinks of herself as an artist and is going hair school! I don't blame him one bit.
I am glad I decided to live for me though. I am smart. I can get into any college I wish to, I could be anything I want to. I WANT to be an artist. I want to do photography, draw, paint, instruct yoga, live and teach holistic healing, and do hair. That is me. That is who I am, and who I want to be. But, I wish people realized not only my artistic flare, but my intelligence. My sister thinks of me as foolish. I think she is foolish in her own way as well. She lives in her office, and her children care for themselves. THAT to me is foolish. I want to be free in my life. When Ryan and I have our own children, I will be able to bend my schedule to fit them. I may not ever make as much paper as her, BUT I will be rich. Rich in happiness.
I am myself, I can see that my parents are proud of my sister, my brother, and myself; all for very different reasons. I think that my parents are proud of me for not conforming. I am me, and stand true to that every day. That's all I can do, and if that's not enough for some people, then nothing will be.
The comparison doesn't have any affect on me anymore. I am not my sister. I will not be my sister. Our intelligence is not equal, because we are intelligent in two different ways. I respect her for everything that she is, and wants to be. I hope that she can get to a point like that with me. Until then I can only love her.
4 comments:
I would rather live week to week as far as money goes, but have a full heart and huge smile on my face the entire time because money can not complete a person. Can't take it with me. Woohoo for jumping back on the blog train!
Same think Melinda said. I would not want to work my life away. There are more important things in life than money too. I'd rather be poor, mediocre and happy and loved than work my life away and being judgemental. I'm sorry you have to deal with the comparison. I hope to never place that burden on my kids. It's just not fair.
I'm glad you're blogging a lot too. And for what it's worth, you're amazing. So what if you're not a CEO or have a masters. You're unique, intelligent, you are a hard worker and you may not be rich but you sure as hell are down to earth, loved, and happy! Good for you for being yourself and doing what makes YOU happy and not anyone else!
I am very much that way, wanting to be my own person and not live up to anyones expectations but my own. We are not rich but we love our life. My husband is very very smart, like your brother, and he chooses to work on computers and install security systems instead of work all day everyday.
I also love photography and anything artsy. My extended family think that it is foolish and should have finished college. But if that isn't who you are and doesn't ake you happy you should definitely find something else! I'm glad you are doing what you want!!
i couldn't agree more with what the others had already said. it sucks to live in the shadow of an older sibling (been there myself) but as we get older and find our own way, it becomes less and less an issue.
now the tables have turned for my sis & i, and people ask more about me than her.. that doesn't make me happy either. people only ask about what i'm up to because they already know the answer: married, the tater tot, work. sometimes i wonder if they ask about my sis less because she is always up to something new and they know they will have a story to listen to and don't really feel like hearing it, if that makes any sense.
you are beautiful, amazing, and wonderful just the way you are Mary. you are living life in pursuit of your own happiness and really, that's what everyone wants.
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