Story of my life.
GOOD:
This morning was awesome, despite the snow. Melinda allowed me to go with her to get her ultrasound! Baby boy! I was so wrong! Lol. It was an amazing experience. One that I will never forget. I'm so thankful I was able to be there!
BAD:
I'm sick of people. I'm sick of diabetes. I'm sick of people being so insensitive about it. Not that I want you to pine over me, and act like I'm made of glass. NO! I just want you to understand, or try to understand that, yes, I am different. Yes, I do have a little more to deal with than just everyday sort of problems. I'm sick of the two facedness I feel I see all the time. "Oh I feel so bad for her." "Awe, she has it so tough" and then those same fucking people turn around to say things like "she never does anything" "she totally takes advantage of her diabetes" "must be nice to not work, and think you have an excuse." Hm. Right. I have never once in my life wished my situation on anyone until tonight. There are a handful of people that I would love to walk my shoes for one day. ONE DAY. They couldn't take it. The pain in my hands and feet from neuropathy, the constant battles with kidney infections, the kidney damage, the ups and downs of bloog sugar levels that leave you feeling like pure shit, the passing out that leaves you feeling like you've been hit by a Mack truck a few times, the weariness that comes from doing normal day-to-day things. I wish they could feel it, just for even a few minutes. Maybe then I wouldn't get labeled. I'm not a bad person. I don't take advantage of anything. I'm honestly glad that it's me that deals with all this shit, no one else I know could. But, for those who criticize, and those who run their mouth without any knowlege of my life, well, for those I feel sorry. No more feeling guilty about being me. I'm done with it. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm not asking for that. I just needed to get that out. People suck!
And more on diabetes, my mom was diagnosed with type 2 on November 7th 2009. Today, she started insulin. Idk why but I am devastated. I sit here now with tears welling up in my eyes, because I feel for her. The worst is her saying "I'm sorry for all those times I said 'If my life depended on it I would eat better', it's hard. I'm so sorry." It is hard. Too hard. And I don't want her to have to deal with it!!! I'd take it from her and double it up on myself if I could. I wonder if this is how she feels about me?
Today sucks. Diabetes, YOU SUCK.
Peace & Love
5 comments:
I'm sorry, hon. Not in the "I feel so sorry for you" patronizing way either. ;) I totally understand and I'm sorry today sucks. You just be you.
I know what you mean about being glad that it's you who has to deal with it. I feel the same way. While diabetes does not define me it has shaped me into who I am and I'm proud of that person. I am who I am, I never use my chronic illness to get something I want or get out of something.
I don't know what I'd do if one of my immediate family members became diabetic in any way. I hope your mom does okay.
Sometimes I wonder about what your "good" feels like. Because I'm sure it's still not anything like my good. =[ I know that the pain is there everyday, but you are one person that never makes a point to complain about it often. I was shocked when you told me about your mom. She's lucky though, she has an amazing helpful daughter for support, just like you have an amazing half century old Momma for support. ;]
People can be inconsiderate idiots. I know from seeing my father and grandmother go through it that it is not anything close to easy. I cannot imagine what it is for you everyday, "normal".
People take things for granted and are inconsiderate but they'll learn some way or another. May be years from now, but they will.
You're amazing and you do A LOT. More than even me and I don't have diabetes so I can't imagine how you pull through everything that you do!
Thank you ladies for all of your encouragement. I felt so bad after writing this blog. I hate to complain. But, I also hate the way people treat me sometimes.
Thanks so much for your kind words, they mean more to me than you'll ever realize!
don't feel guilty for needing to vent your frustrations. letting it out and working through it is healthy.
i really wish other people took the time to think before speaking. it's quite arrogant and assuming to say those things about your life when they truly know nothing of it. i am sorry that you had a bad night and had to deal with nimrods. ((hugs))
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