I'm Not The Same!

I am not the same person I once was. I've seen more heart break, more miracles, more stress, and more happiness in the past 4 months than I've seen in my entire life. I never knew how strong I was, until it's the only option I was given. I am strong. I get up and fight a great fight everyday. Yes, I take a lot of naps, I even may complain a lot, but that's nothing compared to what I could be doing considering my circumstances. I love when people joke about exactly how much I sleep, or how "little" I do in one day. A diabetic uses 3 times as much energy to do anything a non diabetic does. 3 times as much energy! Let me state again, 3 times as much. So remembering that in itself, let's add the fact that my blood sugars are always low, and occasionally high (due to my paranoia of taking insulin), and the fact that I am growing a person. Of course I'm going to sleep and rest a lot! What else can I do? For fun, I'll tell you what I did on Sunday, I was home alone for the first time in ages, and I did laundry. My blood sugar stayed low for 4 hours straight. I was drinking regular pop, Gatorade, eating, etc. And it didn't come above 60. Maybe it was because I was doing laundry? Maybe not. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to risk it. If I need rest, I need rest. On the same token, I am completely out of my realm by not doing anything. This is NOT what I am used to. I'm used to being on the go, and constantly busy. So, of course I'm going to go insane. I know I need to take it easy, I'm just not sure of how exactly to do that. I don't know if I'll ever know how to do that. I'm going to complain, and you could probably even say that I'm depressed. I can't help it. It's hard to know what you need to do, and actually doing it. So for all those who say I've changed, that I'm not the same...you're most definitely right. I have changed. I am not the same. There's no way I could remain who I once was. I'm playing with the cards I have been dealt. I might win some, and I might lose some. I'd rather lose the people that think I'm being dramatic, and taking advantage of my "situation". The funny thing is, no one but those who live with me along with myself, know my "situation". I'm not one for people's pity party. I don't divulge too much information. It's easier not to. I'd rather gain the respect of those who love me and see my hardship. I am strong. I am doing OK. I'm sorry if I can't be the old Mary you once knew. If you can't grow with me, accept me, and love me for everything that I am and will become, then you can pack your things, and go.

Love,
MJ