"Smothered With Love"

I'd rather be blogging about something smothered in peanut butter, but oh well. ;)

I am smothered, stifled, asphyxiated, suffocated, muffled, repressed, restrained, suppressed, with love and care. You might be saying, is this a bad thing? Is she for real? Yes, I am. I cannot live the way I used to live. My husband and parents care about me so much, they've taken away my wings. They have caged this bird. I'm no longer a free spirit, free to roam and do as I please, when I please. I'm Rapunzel (minus the beauteous, long, blonde hair). Locked away, but one day my prince (or princess, in this case) will come to save me. My child. Yes, after it makes it's debut to the world, maybe then I will be able to come out of my tower and live in society again.

I understand my blood sugars are crazy right now. Yes, absolutely crazy, but being held captive isn't helping! I'm not allowed to go any where alone. I stay at home with my dad all day! Sometimes I'm able to sneak out, even if to run to the gas station. I can't get further than a few miles before someone is calling my cell phone. So, I usually say I'm on my way to my mom's work to visit, just to get out. The 10 minute drive alone is nice. I haven't been home for more than 2 hours at a time by myself in weeks. I don't even count it as alone, because if there isn't another body in this house with me, I have 3 people constantly calling or texting me. At night, my husband sets the alarm every 1-2 hours to wake up and check my blood sugar. I try to nap, but my dad won't go more than 30 minutes without banging on my door, "are you OK?", or he calls my mom and updates her that I'm sleeping, then she's calling or even Facebooking me. I get 2983729084720 texts a day from Ryan, "What are you doing?" if my answer is anything other than "nothing" I then get a call.

You might truly think I'm insane for complaining about this situation. But, I'm not complaining as much as I'm just venting. I know they do this out of love. The 3 of them have kept me alive for 19 weeks, of this crazy pregnancy. I truly appreciate it! I really do! This doesn't mean that it's any easier to deal with. I feel someone has taken my wings, bound them, and I can no longer fly. I can no longer walk with out holding some one's hand. That's not who I am, I'm independent. But, it's who I'm forced to be until I am a mother, holding a child in my arms, instead of in my body. I'm trying to deal. I'm trying to cope. Some days are harder than others.

Today is a hard day, because my phone broke. Sounds ridiculous right? Well, my phone is broken, so therefore I really have to be under my dad's thumb. No one can get ahold of me via my "life line". So, my dad is keeping even closer tabs on me. And the time is passing so slowly! I'm waiting for Ryan to get off work to go shopping. I don't really care what I do, I just need to get out. We could go drive around the block for an hour, and that'd be OK.

I'm not trying to sound like pity me. I understand I need to have an eye kept on me. But, it's so far from normalcy, I just can't take it sometimes. I can't wait to break free one day. I can't wait to go jogging! I can't wait to hold my precious baby and know everything was worth it. One day I'll have my wings back, but for now I'm glad I have such a supportive family. That goes out of their way every single day to make positively sure that I am going to be OK and healthy. I just needed to vent about it at the same time. I love them with all my heart!

19 weeks today! Can't wait to see if this child is pink or blue. I bet online shopping would help with my extreme boredom. It might not help my finances, but hey, this mama will be happy again! =)

Until next time! Love!