Filling In The Blanks.

Wow! Almost a month...

My bad people.

But, like I said, this blog is just for me to be able to deal.

Anyways...

Where to begin.

I'm back in school.

Been back for about 3 weeks now.

I'm loving every second of it.

I' was sooo nervous at first because basically all of my friends recently graduated.

But, I've made new ones!

And I didn't even try!

lol.

What can I say? I'm a people person.

I'm taking 5 classes.

Religion would have to be my toughest one thus far.

Photography, which I thought I'd love..

but definitely don't.

I'm not good at it, so of course I'm not going to like it!

Next semester I'm DONE!

Graduated..

But, then right back to more college, at least I'll have a change of scenery.

I've decided to go to Xavier University.

=)

Expensive, I know right?

Oh well, you can't put a price on education.

Oh yeah, I'm also the editor of my school paper.

You might not be smiling about that, but I am.

I wasn't ready for it, but now I think I am.

My dogs are great.

My life is pretty much great.

I have given up on a few family members.

Don't need'em.

I've got people that are good to me.

Ryan && I are amazing.

We've become so so much more close.

Which is so weird, because I never actually thought that was possible.

He's my rock, and I hope he knows how much I love and need him.

I'm trying to see what I've missed in the last month...

All I can think of is that we bought a new TV!

hahaha.

Yeah, a 52" LCD TV.

And We're in love with it.

Ryan has grown into the couch when he is home now.

Which is good, because then I'm not disturbed while doing homework and whatnot.

I haven't been working out.

I'm kind of waiting to see how my schedule goes, and you know smooth it out.

Then I'll get back to the gym.

I swear.

I can get into tip-top shape in 3 weeks.

I'll do it.

Lol.

My birthday is in 16 days.

I'll be the big Two-Oh.

Yeah...

I'm getting a tat for the bday.

I just finished the portrait of my mom on my thigh on Monday night.

Big props to my girl Dara Jo.

Idk what I'd do without that bitch.

I love her to death.

Not just because of her artistic abilities, but because she's all around down-to-earth and pretty much amazing.

I promise I'll be updating more..

For now I'm out of words.

I'm supposed to be doing homework anyway!

bahaha.

Peace out y'all.

Off-The-Wall-I-Don't-Give-A-Crap-Rant.

Soooo...basically I've been letting a few things just fester..and now I'm ready to vent.
Yes, I have friends...yes, I don't come to everything they invite me to, I'm not always there, whatever...
Call me selfish.
No that does not mean I don't care about you, or that I'm not a true friend.
Whoever I befriend means a lot to me.
Ask around, not many people will say, "yeah me & Mary are tight!"
I don't play that game.
I like to keep my friendship and give it to people who deserve it.
So a certain "friend"? of mine had a baby shower today..
I didn't go.
She's upset...yeah I get it.
I didn't really have a good excuse not to go...
But I will tell you what's on my mind when I think about this.
I cannot have my own kids.
It doesn't seem to be in the future for me.
My body isn't stable enough to take care of itself, how'd it support another life?
This is something I've known for years..
But to tell you the truth it didn't matter back then, because I was young, and didn't think that far in the future.
But, now it hurts...
It hurts a lot.
I'd love to be a mom.
Yeah, I'm going to adopt...but that's something I'm never going to experience in my life..
Being a mother to a child that I carried for 9 months...sharing a bond beyond explanation.
So, when I think of baby showers..it kinda breaks my heart?
And I'm not trying to say I'm not happy for anyone who is pregnant.
Because I'm over joyed! I'm so excited for her.
But that also doesn't mean I'm not envious.
Another thing my boyfriend, (who one day be my husband, and the father of my ADOPTED children) works 6 days a week.
6 out of the 7 days of the already too fucking short week.
So Sunday's are "our" days...
Like people have "family" days?? Well Sunday is ours..
A day where he doesn't have to worry about work or stress...
We just get to enjoy each others company, and to focuse on each other, doing whatever tickles our fancy.
And I remember exactly why I love this man with all my heart.
I live for Sundays.
He works 6 out of those 7 days a week for me.
Yeah, he puts me through school, pays my bills, and tries to give me the world.
That's a lot on his plate.
And I'm thankful for all of that, but because he does that I don't get to see much of him.
So on Sunday I fuckin' want to see him for more than 3 hours.
Give me a break.
My life isn't incredibly hard, I'm pretty spoiled..
I know this.
I just hate when people talk shit about things they have no clue about.
You think you know my life?
Guess again.
I think I only have ONE friend who understands my life.
She knows who she is.
She knows what's important, and I'd never get shit from her for "not making time for her"
Because if you're in my life, I've made time for you.
Life is too short.
I live for no one else but me.
I don't care what you think about that statement.
It's the truth.
My decisions are just that, my descisions..
I could make wiser, or nicer ones, but fuck it.
I don't.
If a person is meant to be in your life, they will stay there.
I'll keep my friends close, and yet as far away as I please.
This is my rant.
My life.
My choices.
I know I can't please everyone, so I'm not even going to try.

In other parts of my life...
I'm just so ready to go back to school.
To have some structure back in my life.
I'm trying to get ready for that..
Organizing the house...
Making it easier for when I get home and whatnot.
My dogs are wonderful!
I spent the whole day on Friday with my father.
We had a great time.
It was a much deserved father-daughter day.
Saturday I spent with my mom.
Got my hair cut & dyed.
I'm not longer a dark brown w/ highlights..
I'm a full blown firey red head.
Yeah, I dyed my hair to match my attitude.
hahaha.
Things are pretty good.
Can't really complain.
Good Night.

Mixed Feelings.

I'm good! It's been a while again right?

Yeah I know.

Uhmm..so I decided that the job wasn't worth it.

My body just could not handle it.

Ry seems ok with it.

Now I just have to deal with the whole "I make the money, you don't" thing again.

Ugh. I did make that endocrinologist appt.

I really need some help.

I need an insulin pump, but I just can't afford one.

My cousin got married today!

It was a cute, quaint wedding.

My mom was bragging to everyone about my grades in college && I'll be the next one taking a trip down the aisle, and how it's going to be a big bash. Hahha. She kills me.

It was great to see my family, since I haven't seen them since Christmas.

I'm hopefully getting my portrait of my mom finished this week.

YAY!

It was going to be tomorrow, BUT I ran the battery dead on my car tonight ((I left the lights one for like 4 hours)) So basically I probably won't be going anywhere tomorrow.

I went to see my Dara Jo tonight! Ugh! I miss the chick SOOOO much!

Speaking of friends...I feel I'm drifting far far away from one of my closest.

But, what can I do?

This always seems to happen to me.

She is going through a lot right now...

I wish I could be there for her, but maybe I'm not what she needs.

I just...well I just miss her.

=/ Nothing I can fix on my own though.

Me & Ry are very good.

I love the kid with all my heart.

Can't wait to start remodeling or fixing our house up soon!

I'm not sure what else to say.

I'm doing very well.

I'll update soon!

G'night.

Adjusting To The New.

So, This was my first full week of work.
It Sucked.
And it was amazing.
I love my kids.
But, they have some attitude problems.
Lol.
Anywho, I'm SoOOoo completely exhausted!
My feet are hurting so bad, I've cried for the past 2 days.
So, I'm asking myself--is it worth it?
If I do quit, what will Ryan think?
I can't begin to tell you how aggravated I am with myself and the diabetes curse.
I try hard to be good..check my blood sugar..count my carbs..take shots.
And I get nothing but shit on by my body.
I think I'm dying. lol.
My mom is making me a endocrinologist appointment Monday.
Something has got to change & soon.
I'm not sure what else I can do..
but this whole low to high, high to low, but NEVER right thing has got to stop.
It's taking it's toll on my mind && body.
Whatever.
No more complaining..it could always be worse.
Tomorrow I'm giving myself a "me day."
Doing whatever tickles my fancy.
Whether that means shopping or sleeping all day.
I think I deserve one. =)
I can't wait for school to start.
I'm nervous too though..for some unknown reason.
Just because I'll have a lot on my plate.
For some reason I feel like I'm distancing myself from everyone here lately.
Well, those that I normally spill my guts to.

I normally do not open up to Ryan..

I'm not sure why, I just don't.

But, lately I've been expressing myself to him more.
I'm not sure what the deal is, with me or with anyone.
I guess I'm just trying to be more independent....
Or all my relationships have taken a turn..
Who knows.
That's all I got for now.
I'll Update Soon!
G'night All!

Long Day, More To Come.

So, today I had my first FULL day of work. And there's no end in sight. Hahaha.

Working with 18month-3yr old is completely exhausting.

But, I love it because everyday is different.

I'd never want to have 8 toddlers who are all trying to potty train.

They have their good days & their bad.

Today they all had bad ones.

But it's ok, because when they left they were all in smiles..

That makes me happy.

Ry has a job interview tomorrow.

I'm kinda anxious.

He says he wants a new job, but I know once he loses the freedom he has @ Greiner he won't be happy.

But, who am I to say anything?

I just go along with what he wants to do.

We still cannot find a car to buy that we agree on.

This is becoming a tremendous hurdle for us.

I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore.

I worked all day today then I came home to clean ALL night!

My house is completely spotless.

My feet & back are killing me, but I feel....

What's the word I'm looking for?

Productive?

Accomplished?

NORMAL!?

I'm not sure..

All I do know is that yes, I am exhausted, but I'm very happy.

Tomorrow I'm headed to the gym @ 7 and then to work from 12-6.

I can't wait for this weekend..

I'm totally rearranging this house.

It needs some order to it.

I have to get it all done before I start school.

I'm really weird when I'm in school mode.

My house must be spotless before I can concentrate on schoolwork.

Prof. Pam Spencer says its my "womanly nature" kicking in.

I say it's annoying.

So I figured if I organize now, when the time comes it won't be so hard to keep it that way.

I mean c'mon, working full time & going to school MORE than full-time is a hell of a schedule.

But, I'm looking forward to it.

That's all I got for now.

I'm keeping my head up, and walking the straight and narrow.

I'll update soon.

G'night All!

Wow. It's Been A While.

It has been SO long since I've updated this thing, and I apologize!

Let's get reacquainted, I'm Mary...

Last time you spoke to me, I needed a job severely & wanted to sell my house.

All that has changed now.

I have a job!!!

wooot wooot.

I work @ Wonderful Beginnings Daycare, in Mt. Orab.

I'm a toddler teacher for now!

Next month I move to the infants.

That'll suit me better, I mean, I'm not good at deciphering baby talk.

hahaha.

I like it very much so far.

The kids are great, every day is something different!

And that is exactly why I love it so much.

Another reason why I like it there so much, is that I don't have to try and be something that I'm not!
I'm allowed to wear what I want, I don't have to cover my tattoos..

I could dye my hair purple & no one would say anything negative.

It's just a good feeling knowing that someone doesn't pass judgement for stupid things like that, things that just show who I really am.

I no longer want to sell my house, hahah.

We're doing some remodeling starting in a few weeks.

I'm super stoked about that.

I like my house...I just hate where it is.

I chopped ALL my hair off!!

But, when I think about it, it's not as short as I thought it was going to be.

Which is kinda disappointing...lol.

I've got nothing by rave reviews about it though.

I'm getting back to my pretty self!

There for a while I was totally in a rut or something.

I did find & join a gym!

Give me about 2 more weeks and I'll be thin again.

Which in honesty being skinny wasn't the main reason for going..

it was that I just didn't feel good.

I'm really trying with the blood sugar thing...

And yet, I'm still failing.

Or feel like I'm failing.

I know I'm supposed to take baby steps with it...

I just feel like why should I make the effort if it's not going to work.

But, I haven't given up.

Me & Ryan are amaaaazing.

I love that kid with all my heart.

We're really good..

We seem to be more in sync now than ever!

I went to the John Mellencamp concert last night!
Girls night yahhhhh!

I had a lot of fun.

I was severely disappointed that he didn't play more old tunes,

but I'm sure he's like bored to death of them...

I can understand that.

I did have a good time though.

I start school on August 25th!

Wow.

I'm so not ready.

I'm extremely nervous because I'm taking SO many classes..

I shouldn't be, and I know I'll probably be ok.

I just don't want to fail, or have a mental breakdown because of work & school...

blah.

I've totally been neglecting my garden/flowers.

But, Sunday I've made a date with them.

I'm going to make up for lost time.

hahaha.

I've realized I've matured very much since moving out on my own.

I'm loving it.

Although, I don't see much of my friends, because they haven't gotten to my point yet...

That kinda sucks.

Then the friends who have matured..have wayy bigger things going on in their lifes than I do.

Like husbands & children.

Mine will all work out...

One day..

Hopefully.

Other than that I'm doing wonderful!

I'm super happy with the way my life is going.

No complaints!

All smiles!

I'll update soon!

I PROMISE!

G'night All!

Nothing Much To Say.

OK, so I haven't wrote in soooo long! Sorry! I haven't really had much to say lately. Nothing new has come up for me to talk about, haha. My life is crazy boring right?

I have decided to cut my hair off && get highlights though. Give me about 2 weeks. I'm still not completely sold out to the short short hair. Kinda scared. I know it grows back, but I don't want to look like a boy! I still haven't found a gym that I'd like to go to, which is really getting on my nerves. And I still haven't found a job. Ugh. Let's not even start on that!

My mom && dad took the girls down to Tennessee to meet their mom. I miss them sooo much, it's crazy. They've only been gone for one day now, not even a full day! I walked into my mom's house this morning and was totally expecting to see my little Hayley Jo sitting on the couch watching tv. I miss them so much. I'd give anything for them to live closer.

So, while my mom took them down there, I went to her work to help out. Answer phones and what not. Needless to say it was the worst day ever. Idk. You have to know these people. They act like they own you, and you aren't shit to them. Well I did fix their computer system && without me they wouldn't have gotten that done until who knows when. I don't even want to talk about it, it just pisses me off. hah.

Hmm..we're still wanting to sell our house..Thank goodness! We've been looking at TK Homes to build one for us. I have it narrowed down to 3 that I like =) I'm not sure if I want a ranch style or 2-story.

I haven't been able to sleep at all lately. I'm completely drained, but my mind won't just take a break, it runs on with a million different things. I don't know what it is. I just can't stop thinking, and put my mind at ease.

Anywho, I suppose I'll update when I have something actually interesting to say && worth writing about!

Good Night All!