I've Come To Realize...

It's been a while since I've posted anything. But, in that time I've figured out a lot of stuff!!
First of all, and most importantly, I asked Ryan to marry me! Y'all know how I am, I can't wait, I'm so impatient. When I know what I want I get it!! Therefore, I asked him! And of course he said yes! =) March 14th is the big day. Thus far we've had nothing but love and support about it. So in about 5 months I'll be Mrs. Mary Jordan. Wooo hoooo!!
Secondly, I'm going to be transferring to Xavier University after I graduate from Chatfield. I'm going to be studying to be an Radiology Technician! Then I would really like to continue studying to be a radiologist. But, we all know HOW much time & money that takes! I'm not too sure about that. I may just be a radiology tech & do some other stuff part-time as well. I'll be getting 2 degrees from XU, the radiology tech, and my BA in Liberal Arts.
My nerve damage from diabetes has gotten so much worse. I've had to be put on some medicine for it. I hate that. That's another reasoning for my apprehension to go on to be a radiologist. I may only be able to work part-time. I got a job, I worked 3 days, 6 hour shifts. On day 4 I couldn't even get out of bed, I literally couldn't walk--that's how bad my feet hurt. No need to say it, but I had to quit. So, now I'm eating healthier, taking my meds, and vitamins. I'm trying really hard to make it stay the same. Nerve damage is not reversable...so it's sad to say that it may just stay this bad for a while. I'm working on being a better diabetic! For me, for my family && friends, and my future family && career.
I've been working my ass off at school! I'm going to be a member of Phi Theta Kappa, which is an international honor society, and if I keep my grades up I'll also be a member of the Julia Chatfield Honor Society (which is the honor soceity for my college). I've registered classes for my final semester at Chatfield, I'm taking 5!
1). Children Of The Holocaust.
2). Autobiography.
3) Personal Economics.
4). Human Bio.
5). Intro To Sociology.

So, that's an update on my life for now...
I hope people realize that I'm not lazy. I know I don't work, I know Ryan "takes care of me". But, I work my ass of in school, so that one day I'll support him! I wish people knew how much I really did in a day. I'm not lazy, I'm not a quitter.

I'll update soon!

Soul-Searching.

So, I graduate college in about 7 months with an associate's degree in Liberal Arts. Sounds great right? Yeahhh, but where do I go next? What do I want to do? How do I want to go about getting what I want? How do I go about finding what I want out of life? Are you getting the point I'm making? Lol. I don't know what I want. I just know whatever I do I want to enjoy every second of it. I'm seriously not bothered with the money aspect of it. I mean money is nice, but I just want to be happy. Did y'all know I'm a writer? Hah. No? Well I am, and even though my writing is one of my strong qualities, it's so difficult for me. I'd love to write for a living. I'd love to do something off-beat, something I don't feel oppressed by. So here is what is and has been weighing on my mind. I want so many things!! I just don't know where I want to go next. AHHHHHH!!! Help!!
Other news...me & Ryan are doing very very well, as usual. My dgos are as stubborn & spoiled as EVER! But, I love them!!! lol. I wish I could know what the hell they were thinking. We are headed down to Florida tomorrow. My sis is moving to Tennessee, she needs time to go do whatever..enrolll kids in school & daycare, get a place to live, all that adult stuff. So, we're going to take care of her kids for the week! Yay! I miss them something horrible. My plan is to take this time to explore the world of photography. FL is a much more eye-pleasing place than Ohio, don't we all agree? If I like it...I might be a photographer..who knows?!
I'll update about my trip to FL && what excitement that brings when I get back. I'm so glad to be getting away for a while. Getting away from everything!! Ah, I believe it's much needed, to clear my head. Write to you soon! Thanks for all the support!!

((Here is my latest, a profile of myself. Small profile..hope you enjoy it...))

Soul Searching
The lights are dimming and the crowd settling; they're all waiting for the performance. As show time begins to creep closer, the anxiety this girl is feeling intensifies. She thinks of herself as a girl because she doesn't yet know what she wants out of life, or what she has to offer. Others in her life would beg to differ, thinking she is a puzzle beautifully pieced together. She is her own worst critic, and knows this firmly. She is still trying to find her way. She lives for today and only today, so she thinks, even though her future is on her mind constantly.

Her world on the outside seems seamless, but if you look beneath there is uneven stitches and popped buttons. All these problems can be fixed, even though at times she feels like they can't be because there isn't enough time! The big run-way show is about to start! She'll be graduating college in about seven months. Excited is what people think she is, but petrified is what she feels. She has no clue where or what she wants to do next. She has a million ideas, but nothing concrete. She doesn't want to live a boring life, so she thinks more about how she would like to work instead of what she would like to do for work. A free-lance type career is what she is shooting for, just for the unpredictability of it. That could be anything! A writer, photographer, graphic-designer, but is this something she really wants to do for the rest of her life? Just because she doesn't want a hum-drum-nine-to-five life?

Writing and photography are a few of her passions and hobbies. Turning them into a career seems like it would be a slice of bliss, but scares her to death that she'd end up hating the few things she loves to do. It is well known that money is the root of all evil. Maybe that root would turn her blissful career into a nightmare? She often remembers a quote from the great Marilyn Monroe who she truly marvels, "I don't want to make money, I just want to be wonderful." Happiness is truly what she wants, but money is just as desirable, no matter what people say. Mostly, then the contemplation of what she is good at and what she can make a go-ahead at, boils down to is this- is she good enough? As mentioned before, she is very aware that she is her own worst critic, but this is a dog-eat-dog world. She just wants to know if she'll be the one feasting, or the feast. The uncertainty pains her already too critical mind.

She could survive in this bullish world, whether being the bruiser or the beaten. She has a good sense of who she is, even if she doesn't know what she wants. Her morals and values are there as if engraved in stone for all to read. They will remain whether she becomes a writer or a veterinarian. Her parents and boyfriend show her the utmost support in everything she does. Her parents have said the cliché "you can do anything you want to do!" But, the difference is that they actually believe it! Her boyfriend, while being frustrated with her fickle ways, reassures her every step, "I know you'll be wonderful at whatever you do, I'm just still waiting for you to pick something." This is part of the reason she would make it in this cruel world. Her family and friends to keep her back straight and chin up. They'd be there to spit her own words right back at her, "kiss my ass," just so she wouldn't forget to tell those who need to hear just that.

This girl has the world in her white-knuckled- grip, and refuses to let is slip away. Her name is Mary Daugherty. Watch out, you'll know her one day, for something. For now she has a lot of small stitches, and buttons to fix in the fabric of her life. Her big fashion show starts in seven months. Even through her own hesitation, the show must go on! She'll end it with a bang, and leave you speechless.

((if you liked..GREAT!! most of my stuff is posted on my space, www.myspace.com/goofymaryelizabeth--check it out!!))

Just A Little Something.

So, want an update? Hmm..not much new as of yet. Got the forearm tat done. Not sure when I'll be getting the 2nd part of my sleeve done...not too worried about it at the moment either. I'm trying to decide where I want to go once I graduate Chatfield. Believe me! I'm so ready to get out of there. I need a change of pace or scenery or something. Me && Ryan are wonderful. We're going to visit family in FL the last week of October. Excited about that. My boy needs && deserves a little vacation! That's for sure. I can't really think of anything else to say so good night for now.

I Must Be A Liberal.

So! Long time,eh? Since the last time you decided to read my blog a lot has changed! First, Friday 9/26 I turned 20!! No more teenage years to mess up. So does this mean I'm an adult now? Or was that 18? I'm not sure..nothing feels different, I'm still me. Oh yeahhh..I'm not longer with the knife selling company. For many reasons..I could see how it could work for others, but it wasn't going to work out for me. Although, I'm sold on Cutco knives..I'm officially a customer for life! lol.

Uhmm...soo about college. How many people have given you the excust "I can't afford it." LOL!! Wow, I know right? A lot of people use that lame excuse. You can't afford NOT to go, is my reply to them. It's perfectly ok with me if you don't want to go to college, it's not for everyone ya know? But just say that! I don't want to go! Not come up with a million excuses while you can't go. For every excuse you come up with, I can name 10 reasons to go! Sorry that's my rant about that. I just have been hearing that a lot, and you'd be surprised at what you can & cannot afford.

Other news..I got a new tattoo on Sunday. It was my birthday gift from Ryan. I hear I'm spoiled. Does that automatically make me a horrible brat? Because when I think of spoiled..an image of a bratty girl crying because she didn't get her way pops up in my head. Oh how I hope that's not me...I don't think so though, because I appreciate everything! Anyways, about the new ink I'm rockin'..it's the first sitting of my SLEEVE! Yesss! I have been telling people for a year now..since my last bday that for my 20th bday I was going to start a sleeve. And I did, it all fell into place! =) Oh believe me, I can't wait to finish it. I've taken SOOO much shit from people at school. Which is quite ridiculous if you ask me because I couldn't really care less if they do or do not like it, it's not their body. I've heard some pretty funny things though. "tattoos are so trashy" <---that one was really funny to me because part of my tattoo is leapord print! so mine must really be trashy! LOL!! "I must be a liberal" lol wtf? seriously I am, but how does one know that from a tattoo? "One day you'll be 40..." My reaction to that one? Ok! Ok! I'll tell you..."Yep, I'll be 40 with a sleeve full of flowers && Leapord print, and I'll still look good" muahahhahaaha. Anyways, now, why do you think so many people are offended by tattoos? I'm seriously curious. I can't figure it out. It's not their body..yet it still bothers them. Hm. idk..if you have some input on that I'd surely like to know.

Other than that, on Sunday Ryan && I celebrated our 6 year anniversary. Umm..the fair was fun! We are proud owners of fish now! lol. And we're buying 110 gallon fish tank for the living room. =) I'm not sure, but I think I've got everything..I'll update soon! Enjoy the pics of my tats!!

Just for the record--I am a liberal!! Can't you tell by all my ink? hahahaha

Newest 1. Start of the sleeve--right arm.


On my right thigh...portrait of my mom.


Left shoulder blade...tribute to papaw.


Left wrist. medic alert--diabetic.


Left foot. Irish "hope" symbol. ((my 1st one.))

I'm Oh So Good At Selling Myself!

Soooo...what's different is what you're thinking right?
RIGHT! I totally snagged a job.
It was actually bu accident.
Anyways, I was searching my all time fave website, GOOGLE!
And I found this company called Vector, that actually targets college students as employees!
You can only imagine the excitement I felt, right?
Anywho, I went to their website to check it out.
They actually give $250,000 worth of scholarships to their employees!
At this point I was totally sold.
BUT, I filled out an application.
They called 15 minutes later!
WTF?! I went to an interview that same day!
It was a 2 part process..
I got through both parts, as well as a position with the company.
Now, for what I actually do.
I seel kitchen cutlery.
But, lucky me I get paid whether people buy, or not!
The presentation takes a whole 30-40 minutes & I get paid $15.
So, $15 for a half hour?! lol.
I'm still siked.
I'm not sure though if I'm totally comfortable with going to people's houses, I mean I love love love the product, actually bought some!
So, it's not like I'm not a believer of the stuff.
Actually I strongly recommend it!
It's pretty much amazing.
I'm going to give it 2 weeks.
But, I'm a customer of Cutco cutlery for life!

Uhhhh..I've felt sooooo bad lately!
I'm not sure why.
I got my blood tests back on Thursday.
They all were good!
Wow. I'm super duper proud of myself.
Now for this coming week I'm going to start eating healthy.
My goal is to lose about 15 or more pounds by Christmas.
Speaking of Christmas! I'll be spending it in Tennessee with my family!
Yay!
My sister got a new job, and is moving to TN by December!
I'm SOOOOOOO excited!
My birthday is this coming Friday.
Everyone is talking about it, but it's not too exciting for me to be honest.
This coming Sunday, the 28th is our 6 year anniversary.
Whoa! lol.
And on that topic, everyone says a ring will be given..
I beg to differ.
I'll take that bet, with anyone.
$100 says that it WON'T happen.
If it does I'd be like flabbergasted!
I'll be getting a cover up tattoo on the 28th!
Fuck yeah!
That's it, I'm exhausted.
Night All!
I'll update soon!

Feeling Froggy.

Update..I'm still the same as when I updated the other day. Everything is pretty ok. The weather here in Brown County Ohio is fucked up, today it's windy. Wind up to 45 mph. Which I guess doesn't compare to the hurricane that's happening in FL and whatnot, but still I'm in rural freakin' OHIO and I'm feeling it. Lol. So, due to that all the electricity was out at all the stores, SO I don't have my pictures printed out for my photography class tomorrow. Big uh oh. Hopefully, I can get it done somehow before class tomorrow. Other than that I'm ready for yet another busy week of school.

Other thoughts...OMG! Palin's daughter is pregnant! Did you guys hear that? LOL. I'm sure you have. I have to get this off my chest though, yeah she may be what we consider young, but I'm going to defend this youngster. Let's think about it this way just for a second, bare with me, we are animals. What are animals meant to do? RIIIGHT. Reproduce. So, it's in our nature to use or reproductive system...it's what it's there for. Let's think back oh Idk no less than 100 years, which isn't that long if you really think about it. Girls were married by 12 years old tops. Yeah, only a 100 years ago. It's still in our nature, I mean we as people haven't evolved that much. Remember when you started taking an interest in boys or girls (whatever garden you dig in)? I betcha it was somewhere between 9-14 give or take for the weirdo's of the world. haha. Yeah, so can we really blame this girl? I'm sick of hearing about it honestly. I mean she was doing what her very nature was telling her to do. Now, I'm not trying to say she doesn't have the capacity to know better, or take precautions to ward off pregnancy, but all that is a matter of perception. I mean, c'mon it's really not that uncommon. Which is actually ironic because it's more ironic now than ever to have a "young" parent. I mean, we don't think of it that way, but most people back in the day were married by the time that we graduated HS nowadays. And it's more uncommon for young girls to get pregnant now because is so frowned upon by society. Young pregnancy became a taboo because we have so many more opportunities in the now. Women have no "role" we don't have to get married, sit around and be the bearer of children. So, people want and expect more. So, really does this pregnancy make this young girl such a bad person? Should we really put her through this. And does this situation actually mean that her mother is a bad mother? I don't agree with any of it. I give them props for dealing with the situation at hand, and with all the extra pressure due to the media. I say give the family a damn break.

That's my rant for this evening. If you agree, good we're peachy. If you don't, well really I don't care. I'll update soon!

Filling In The Blanks.

Wow! Almost a month...

My bad people.

But, like I said, this blog is just for me to be able to deal.

Anyways...

Where to begin.

I'm back in school.

Been back for about 3 weeks now.

I'm loving every second of it.

I' was sooo nervous at first because basically all of my friends recently graduated.

But, I've made new ones!

And I didn't even try!

lol.

What can I say? I'm a people person.

I'm taking 5 classes.

Religion would have to be my toughest one thus far.

Photography, which I thought I'd love..

but definitely don't.

I'm not good at it, so of course I'm not going to like it!

Next semester I'm DONE!

Graduated..

But, then right back to more college, at least I'll have a change of scenery.

I've decided to go to Xavier University.

=)

Expensive, I know right?

Oh well, you can't put a price on education.

Oh yeah, I'm also the editor of my school paper.

You might not be smiling about that, but I am.

I wasn't ready for it, but now I think I am.

My dogs are great.

My life is pretty much great.

I have given up on a few family members.

Don't need'em.

I've got people that are good to me.

Ryan && I are amazing.

We've become so so much more close.

Which is so weird, because I never actually thought that was possible.

He's my rock, and I hope he knows how much I love and need him.

I'm trying to see what I've missed in the last month...

All I can think of is that we bought a new TV!

hahaha.

Yeah, a 52" LCD TV.

And We're in love with it.

Ryan has grown into the couch when he is home now.

Which is good, because then I'm not disturbed while doing homework and whatnot.

I haven't been working out.

I'm kind of waiting to see how my schedule goes, and you know smooth it out.

Then I'll get back to the gym.

I swear.

I can get into tip-top shape in 3 weeks.

I'll do it.

Lol.

My birthday is in 16 days.

I'll be the big Two-Oh.

Yeah...

I'm getting a tat for the bday.

I just finished the portrait of my mom on my thigh on Monday night.

Big props to my girl Dara Jo.

Idk what I'd do without that bitch.

I love her to death.

Not just because of her artistic abilities, but because she's all around down-to-earth and pretty much amazing.

I promise I'll be updating more..

For now I'm out of words.

I'm supposed to be doing homework anyway!

bahaha.

Peace out y'all.

Off-The-Wall-I-Don't-Give-A-Crap-Rant.

Soooo...basically I've been letting a few things just fester..and now I'm ready to vent.
Yes, I have friends...yes, I don't come to everything they invite me to, I'm not always there, whatever...
Call me selfish.
No that does not mean I don't care about you, or that I'm not a true friend.
Whoever I befriend means a lot to me.
Ask around, not many people will say, "yeah me & Mary are tight!"
I don't play that game.
I like to keep my friendship and give it to people who deserve it.
So a certain "friend"? of mine had a baby shower today..
I didn't go.
She's upset...yeah I get it.
I didn't really have a good excuse not to go...
But I will tell you what's on my mind when I think about this.
I cannot have my own kids.
It doesn't seem to be in the future for me.
My body isn't stable enough to take care of itself, how'd it support another life?
This is something I've known for years..
But to tell you the truth it didn't matter back then, because I was young, and didn't think that far in the future.
But, now it hurts...
It hurts a lot.
I'd love to be a mom.
Yeah, I'm going to adopt...but that's something I'm never going to experience in my life..
Being a mother to a child that I carried for 9 months...sharing a bond beyond explanation.
So, when I think of baby showers..it kinda breaks my heart?
And I'm not trying to say I'm not happy for anyone who is pregnant.
Because I'm over joyed! I'm so excited for her.
But that also doesn't mean I'm not envious.
Another thing my boyfriend, (who one day be my husband, and the father of my ADOPTED children) works 6 days a week.
6 out of the 7 days of the already too fucking short week.
So Sunday's are "our" days...
Like people have "family" days?? Well Sunday is ours..
A day where he doesn't have to worry about work or stress...
We just get to enjoy each others company, and to focuse on each other, doing whatever tickles our fancy.
And I remember exactly why I love this man with all my heart.
I live for Sundays.
He works 6 out of those 7 days a week for me.
Yeah, he puts me through school, pays my bills, and tries to give me the world.
That's a lot on his plate.
And I'm thankful for all of that, but because he does that I don't get to see much of him.
So on Sunday I fuckin' want to see him for more than 3 hours.
Give me a break.
My life isn't incredibly hard, I'm pretty spoiled..
I know this.
I just hate when people talk shit about things they have no clue about.
You think you know my life?
Guess again.
I think I only have ONE friend who understands my life.
She knows who she is.
She knows what's important, and I'd never get shit from her for "not making time for her"
Because if you're in my life, I've made time for you.
Life is too short.
I live for no one else but me.
I don't care what you think about that statement.
It's the truth.
My decisions are just that, my descisions..
I could make wiser, or nicer ones, but fuck it.
I don't.
If a person is meant to be in your life, they will stay there.
I'll keep my friends close, and yet as far away as I please.
This is my rant.
My life.
My choices.
I know I can't please everyone, so I'm not even going to try.

In other parts of my life...
I'm just so ready to go back to school.
To have some structure back in my life.
I'm trying to get ready for that..
Organizing the house...
Making it easier for when I get home and whatnot.
My dogs are wonderful!
I spent the whole day on Friday with my father.
We had a great time.
It was a much deserved father-daughter day.
Saturday I spent with my mom.
Got my hair cut & dyed.
I'm not longer a dark brown w/ highlights..
I'm a full blown firey red head.
Yeah, I dyed my hair to match my attitude.
hahaha.
Things are pretty good.
Can't really complain.
Good Night.

Mixed Feelings.

I'm good! It's been a while again right?

Yeah I know.

Uhmm..so I decided that the job wasn't worth it.

My body just could not handle it.

Ry seems ok with it.

Now I just have to deal with the whole "I make the money, you don't" thing again.

Ugh. I did make that endocrinologist appt.

I really need some help.

I need an insulin pump, but I just can't afford one.

My cousin got married today!

It was a cute, quaint wedding.

My mom was bragging to everyone about my grades in college && I'll be the next one taking a trip down the aisle, and how it's going to be a big bash. Hahha. She kills me.

It was great to see my family, since I haven't seen them since Christmas.

I'm hopefully getting my portrait of my mom finished this week.

YAY!

It was going to be tomorrow, BUT I ran the battery dead on my car tonight ((I left the lights one for like 4 hours)) So basically I probably won't be going anywhere tomorrow.

I went to see my Dara Jo tonight! Ugh! I miss the chick SOOOO much!

Speaking of friends...I feel I'm drifting far far away from one of my closest.

But, what can I do?

This always seems to happen to me.

She is going through a lot right now...

I wish I could be there for her, but maybe I'm not what she needs.

I just...well I just miss her.

=/ Nothing I can fix on my own though.

Me & Ry are very good.

I love the kid with all my heart.

Can't wait to start remodeling or fixing our house up soon!

I'm not sure what else to say.

I'm doing very well.

I'll update soon!

G'night.

Adjusting To The New.

So, This was my first full week of work.
It Sucked.
And it was amazing.
I love my kids.
But, they have some attitude problems.
Lol.
Anywho, I'm SoOOoo completely exhausted!
My feet are hurting so bad, I've cried for the past 2 days.
So, I'm asking myself--is it worth it?
If I do quit, what will Ryan think?
I can't begin to tell you how aggravated I am with myself and the diabetes curse.
I try hard to be good..check my blood sugar..count my carbs..take shots.
And I get nothing but shit on by my body.
I think I'm dying. lol.
My mom is making me a endocrinologist appointment Monday.
Something has got to change & soon.
I'm not sure what else I can do..
but this whole low to high, high to low, but NEVER right thing has got to stop.
It's taking it's toll on my mind && body.
Whatever.
No more complaining..it could always be worse.
Tomorrow I'm giving myself a "me day."
Doing whatever tickles my fancy.
Whether that means shopping or sleeping all day.
I think I deserve one. =)
I can't wait for school to start.
I'm nervous too though..for some unknown reason.
Just because I'll have a lot on my plate.
For some reason I feel like I'm distancing myself from everyone here lately.
Well, those that I normally spill my guts to.

I normally do not open up to Ryan..

I'm not sure why, I just don't.

But, lately I've been expressing myself to him more.
I'm not sure what the deal is, with me or with anyone.
I guess I'm just trying to be more independent....
Or all my relationships have taken a turn..
Who knows.
That's all I got for now.
I'll Update Soon!
G'night All!

Long Day, More To Come.

So, today I had my first FULL day of work. And there's no end in sight. Hahaha.

Working with 18month-3yr old is completely exhausting.

But, I love it because everyday is different.

I'd never want to have 8 toddlers who are all trying to potty train.

They have their good days & their bad.

Today they all had bad ones.

But it's ok, because when they left they were all in smiles..

That makes me happy.

Ry has a job interview tomorrow.

I'm kinda anxious.

He says he wants a new job, but I know once he loses the freedom he has @ Greiner he won't be happy.

But, who am I to say anything?

I just go along with what he wants to do.

We still cannot find a car to buy that we agree on.

This is becoming a tremendous hurdle for us.

I'm to the point where I don't even care anymore.

I worked all day today then I came home to clean ALL night!

My house is completely spotless.

My feet & back are killing me, but I feel....

What's the word I'm looking for?

Productive?

Accomplished?

NORMAL!?

I'm not sure..

All I do know is that yes, I am exhausted, but I'm very happy.

Tomorrow I'm headed to the gym @ 7 and then to work from 12-6.

I can't wait for this weekend..

I'm totally rearranging this house.

It needs some order to it.

I have to get it all done before I start school.

I'm really weird when I'm in school mode.

My house must be spotless before I can concentrate on schoolwork.

Prof. Pam Spencer says its my "womanly nature" kicking in.

I say it's annoying.

So I figured if I organize now, when the time comes it won't be so hard to keep it that way.

I mean c'mon, working full time & going to school MORE than full-time is a hell of a schedule.

But, I'm looking forward to it.

That's all I got for now.

I'm keeping my head up, and walking the straight and narrow.

I'll update soon.

G'night All!

Wow. It's Been A While.

It has been SO long since I've updated this thing, and I apologize!

Let's get reacquainted, I'm Mary...

Last time you spoke to me, I needed a job severely & wanted to sell my house.

All that has changed now.

I have a job!!!

wooot wooot.

I work @ Wonderful Beginnings Daycare, in Mt. Orab.

I'm a toddler teacher for now!

Next month I move to the infants.

That'll suit me better, I mean, I'm not good at deciphering baby talk.

hahaha.

I like it very much so far.

The kids are great, every day is something different!

And that is exactly why I love it so much.

Another reason why I like it there so much, is that I don't have to try and be something that I'm not!
I'm allowed to wear what I want, I don't have to cover my tattoos..

I could dye my hair purple & no one would say anything negative.

It's just a good feeling knowing that someone doesn't pass judgement for stupid things like that, things that just show who I really am.

I no longer want to sell my house, hahah.

We're doing some remodeling starting in a few weeks.

I'm super stoked about that.

I like my house...I just hate where it is.

I chopped ALL my hair off!!

But, when I think about it, it's not as short as I thought it was going to be.

Which is kinda disappointing...lol.

I've got nothing by rave reviews about it though.

I'm getting back to my pretty self!

There for a while I was totally in a rut or something.

I did find & join a gym!

Give me about 2 more weeks and I'll be thin again.

Which in honesty being skinny wasn't the main reason for going..

it was that I just didn't feel good.

I'm really trying with the blood sugar thing...

And yet, I'm still failing.

Or feel like I'm failing.

I know I'm supposed to take baby steps with it...

I just feel like why should I make the effort if it's not going to work.

But, I haven't given up.

Me & Ryan are amaaaazing.

I love that kid with all my heart.

We're really good..

We seem to be more in sync now than ever!

I went to the John Mellencamp concert last night!
Girls night yahhhhh!

I had a lot of fun.

I was severely disappointed that he didn't play more old tunes,

but I'm sure he's like bored to death of them...

I can understand that.

I did have a good time though.

I start school on August 25th!

Wow.

I'm so not ready.

I'm extremely nervous because I'm taking SO many classes..

I shouldn't be, and I know I'll probably be ok.

I just don't want to fail, or have a mental breakdown because of work & school...

blah.

I've totally been neglecting my garden/flowers.

But, Sunday I've made a date with them.

I'm going to make up for lost time.

hahaha.

I've realized I've matured very much since moving out on my own.

I'm loving it.

Although, I don't see much of my friends, because they haven't gotten to my point yet...

That kinda sucks.

Then the friends who have matured..have wayy bigger things going on in their lifes than I do.

Like husbands & children.

Mine will all work out...

One day..

Hopefully.

Other than that I'm doing wonderful!

I'm super happy with the way my life is going.

No complaints!

All smiles!

I'll update soon!

I PROMISE!

G'night All!

Nothing Much To Say.

OK, so I haven't wrote in soooo long! Sorry! I haven't really had much to say lately. Nothing new has come up for me to talk about, haha. My life is crazy boring right?

I have decided to cut my hair off && get highlights though. Give me about 2 weeks. I'm still not completely sold out to the short short hair. Kinda scared. I know it grows back, but I don't want to look like a boy! I still haven't found a gym that I'd like to go to, which is really getting on my nerves. And I still haven't found a job. Ugh. Let's not even start on that!

My mom && dad took the girls down to Tennessee to meet their mom. I miss them sooo much, it's crazy. They've only been gone for one day now, not even a full day! I walked into my mom's house this morning and was totally expecting to see my little Hayley Jo sitting on the couch watching tv. I miss them so much. I'd give anything for them to live closer.

So, while my mom took them down there, I went to her work to help out. Answer phones and what not. Needless to say it was the worst day ever. Idk. You have to know these people. They act like they own you, and you aren't shit to them. Well I did fix their computer system && without me they wouldn't have gotten that done until who knows when. I don't even want to talk about it, it just pisses me off. hah.

Hmm..we're still wanting to sell our house..Thank goodness! We've been looking at TK Homes to build one for us. I have it narrowed down to 3 that I like =) I'm not sure if I want a ranch style or 2-story.

I haven't been able to sleep at all lately. I'm completely drained, but my mind won't just take a break, it runs on with a million different things. I don't know what it is. I just can't stop thinking, and put my mind at ease.

Anywho, I suppose I'll update when I have something actually interesting to say && worth writing about!

Good Night All!

Sleepy Sunday.

I slept all day!

Seriously, Ry woke me up at about 10, I went back to sleep at 12ish until 3pm!

Ry went to work and to mow his mom's grass, my blood sugar was extremely high all day! So, I just slept because it was better than feeling horrible. Then when Ry got here I got a shower and we headed to Eastgate. We ate dinner at Long Horn! My favoorrite! I love it.

So we've decided to put our house on the market this fall. This summer is being dedicated to fixing the house up to make more money off of it. We're going to do everything as cheaply as possible, which kinda sounds horrible, but the way I see it is, atleast we are putting money into it. We're so not happy here. We're way to close to the road! The house is too small. Let's just hope that this place sells! And quick at that! I could only hope! I think we're going to use Bert Thomas to sell it. Her motto is--"No matter what the house looks like, there is a person that's looking for just that." She's right though, I hope. We were dumb enough to buy it right? ahahahha. If we make enough money, we are just going to buy a piece of land with the profit, then work our asses off to save money to build our own home. I only hope it works out that way.

I have to make about 4 doctors apppointments tomorrow. I hate the doctors, I mean I don't know anyone who actually likes them, but you know. I'm also going "gym" shopping tomorrow! I'm determined to get healthy. I need to, I feel soo bad these days. I can't wait to get fit again. I'd looove to be 110 pounds again. 19 pounds? You think I can lose that? I hope so. Shit, let's make it an even 20. haha.

So, basically, I'm going to be working my ass off this summer to be able to sell the house, as quick as possible this fall, to get healthy & lose weight, and hopefully working. Yeah, I still don't have a job. It's REALLY starting to irritate me now. Ugh. I don't even want to talk about it. But, I'm doing pretty damn good. I can't really complain!

I'll update soon!

Good night all!

A Day Well Spent.

That's right!

I got to spend a WHOLE day with my love! And it wasn't even Sunday! haha.

He works SOOO much. He had a dr. appt. today, so we went to that & he decided to take a day for himself. He spoiled himself, lol. He got new gym shoes & we ate out twice. That was sooo not my style, but what can I say? My boy loves pizza! We drove all the way out to the amish country, about 45min-1hr away to get him 2 new pairs of boots, and guess what! The boot store was closed. Haha, if we didn't have bad luck, we'd have no luck at all. I didn't mind though, because it was a pretty drive & quality time spent together.

We've decided to buy a Jeep Wrangler. =) I'm so excited. It's my dad's but thats why we are buying it. We've been looking for a gas saver, and at least with this one we KNOW it's been treated right. My dad babys all of his cars. You know what that means, I'll be driving with the top & doors off! Hells yeah!

Another good note, we're definitely taking a little vaycay before I start back to school in August. I'm going to be sooooo busy! We went to my school today to sign up for my fall classes. I'm taking 20 credit hours. Just so that you know, 12 is considered full-time. So, it's very safe to say that I'm going to veryyy busy. I'm also thinking about taking some medical coding classes and/or starting online classes working toward my BA degree. OH YEAH! I've decided what I want to do! I'm totally going to get a degree in Holistic Nutrition and/or Gerontology (most likely a major/minor so I can do both). I want to become a dietician. I want to help people make them selves healthy! I've also talked Ry into starting college classes in the fall. Or atleast I think I have. At my college, Chatfield. He liked the campus today, sadly enough it's the first time he's actually been there. It seems crazy to me because I spend SO much time there. He'd be going for a AS in business.

We spent a lot of time with Hayley Jo today. We picked her up about 1pm. She spent the whole day with us. We went out to the horse barn after dinner. Ry is getting really fond of the horses. I'm thinking we may get one soon. Melody Ann missed me so much. Kayla is scaring me with the horses, she's 10. She's NEVER been around horses, and she acts like she's been around them her whole life. I wouldn't care so much, but ya know her mother isn't up here, and health insurance can be tricky. If she were to get hurt, who's to say she'd get the proper treatment. Can her grandma actually give consent to treat? You see what I'm saying. Kids don't think that way though, so I had to have a chit-chat with her, and tell my mom to do the same. She's getting too brave. I don't want to see her get hurt. The horses are about 6 times her size or better!

I had a dream last night that Ry proposed to me, and gave me 3 weeks to plan the wedding. Hilarious right? So I found out one of my friends is now pregnant. I know I should be happy for her...and I am. But, I'm also irritated. I'm thinking maybe I should just adopt. Ya know Steel Magnolia? I don't want to be that girl. I want to see my kids grow up, if I adopt, it wouldn't be as hard on my kidneys. I'm not sure. I'm just...well I'm feeling like children are never going to be an option for me. And I wonder what Ry thinks of that?

My life is looking up it seems. I still need to get a job though, haha.

I'm going to be just fine though!

I'll update soon!

Good Night All!

Humdrum Tuesday.

That's right, today was down-right dull. I did, however, get the front porch painted. Now, all there is left to do is fix the steps & decorate it. The front of our house is so plain. There is nothing on our front porch except a gray rug & 2 planters. So, if any of you have any good ideas on some inexpensive ways to decorate or perk up a small porch, let me know! I also got my sunflower garden planted today. I'm also thinking about doing a water garden..I saw it on Martha Stewart today..haha. I don't know why I watch her show, I absolutely cannot stand the woman, but I must admit, she's good at what she does.
In other areas of my life, Ry wants a new truck. It makes me feel bad, he works his ass off, I just want him to be able to have what he wants. But, first I need to find a job. The lady didn't call today..I'm really upset..I'd really like to have that job. CASA which was another good opportunity blew up in flames as well. They already hired someone by the time I had got there with my resume on Monday.
I also got to see my nieces again today. I'm going to miss them so much when they head back to Florida. I feel like I don't have near the same relationship that I had with them when they lived up here. It breaks my heart. But, my sister chose that life...so if it makes her happy, it does me as well. I feel the same about my nephew, Xavier. I was going to bring him up with me, but he's only 2 and he's very attached to his mom. 3 weeks is a long time to be away from a parent. This will give him time to be mommy's one and only. It's driving her crazy to be without her kids..haha..but I'm lovin' every minute of it. I love those girls! Back to X...he didn't even know who I was when I went to pick up the girls. It made my hear ache..I almost shed a few tears...for real. I can't even explain how it feels to love someone so much, and them not know who the hell you are. I feel the same when I call to talk to Mikayla & Hayley..there is always that awkward silence...like umm..what do I say now? I know they love me, and they know I love them, it's just so hard to relate, I have no clue what's going on in their lives down there. But, while they are up here, I'm taking full advantage.
I'm trying to fix up the house a little bit. Ugh. The more days that past by, the more I hate my house. It's way to close to the road, it's wayyy too small, it sits at a weird angle on our lot..etc.etc. I know it's only our first house but still, we settled! I'm so pissed at myself for settling. When I think of my house, I think..shit. haha. No for real. I don't even care if no one comes to our house, they'd probably be mortified. I'm trying my best to make it our own though...that's the thing though! I'd rather put money into our house than anything else! It's ok though because I quite like doing little things around the house. It always comes back to bite me in the ass though, like today while painting the porch..my hands hurt SO bad. I was fighting tears. Oh yeah, I have nerve damage from diabetes. It sucks. But I make it alright. I never feel different until I go to do something "normal" and can't succeed.
Oh yeah! Speaking of diabetes, my toe is infected. Ugh. It hurts extremely bad. I'm on antibiotics though. I'm hoping everything will be ok. I'd hate to only have 9 toes, I already fall a lot, I'd hate to see what I'd be like with one less toe to balance on. haha. I cut my toe nail "wrong" and it got infected. Isn't that some crazy stuff? Yeah. I know. Diabetes sucks, but I'd rather it be me than you any day.
Well, I'm not sure what's in store for tomorrow..
We'll see!
Good night all!

Nothing But Hard Work.

So, today was supposed to be all about fixing the yard.

I must say it was pretty productive, considering the rain. We planted a new tree, a "honeylocust". I'm not so in the know when it comes to trees, so if you know anything about this particular tree, please share the wealth. Anways, it's supposed to put off a lot of shade, and is fast growing. I also planted a lot more flowers. I didn't get as much work done in the garden as I would have liked to, but I'm working on it. I have a lot more work to do tomorrow, I'm praying the rain stays away. I have to watch my niece Hayley Jo tomorrow as well. I'm so putting her to work! haha.

And, I just have to note that gardening is very expensive. But, for some reason, I can't stop. haha. It seems cliche, but seriously when tending to my plants & flowers, I feel so at peace. It relaxes me incredibly. I love it.

I sprinkled my garden with Sevin Dust today, and immediatley it took me back to being in my papaw's huge garden. I remember the smell of that stuff like I was just sneaking in his garden to find that perfect tomato yesterday! While spreading the white powder from plant ot plant, I couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same way while in his garden, like nothing else is going on in the world, this moment is the most important, and there is nothing else I could be doing with half as much importance. I think that's why I love to garden so much. Because he did and it brings me that much closer to him, and keeps his memory vivid. I hope I'm doing him proud. I know I have a lot to learn when it comes to gardening, but I'm willing to learn. (I'll be posting pics soon, don't worry!)

In other parts of my life, I'm supposed to be hearing about a job tomorrow or Tuesday. Let's only hope it's tomorrow! The sooner the better right? Ryan has been being very protective the past couple of days. It's kinda odd, because he's usually such a "whatever" kind of guy. But, he wouldn't let me take a simple trip to Wal-Mart last night..wait, I'm not saying he WOULDNT let me, but I could tell he really didn't want me to go alone. He told me that a million times, but I could tell by his eyes he really didn't like the idea of me driving to Eastgate so late, and by myself, so I didn't go. He also doesn't want me to go to Fairfield on Tuesday for a "job interview"...if you only knew the weird and shady story behind that you'd probably understand why. I don't even want to go, there's something fishy going on there. I'll be dropping a resume off at CASA tomorrow, that would be an exciting job, I couldn't ask for somewhere better to work! It's something I'm really passionate about, helping kids I mean. Let's hope for that to pan out. I sold the amp out of my car today, haha..yeahhh..a little extra cash. =) I'm still debating on whether or not to chop my hair off, I'm just not sure.

My life is pretty lame & ordinary, but it's mine..and I love it.
I'll update tomorrow.
Good night all!

A Saturday From Hell...

Today was such a crappy day. I really did "wake up on the wrong side of the bed." What actually woke me up was the fan quit running, that's right the electric went out! Considering I'm horrible at paying bills, not because of lack of money, but lack of memory..I just figured, shit I forgot to pay it. Everyone elses seemed to be on. I called Duke Energy, and they said they didn't know why it was off. That upset me even more! Finally after an hour it came back on. Ugh. Whatever..shit happens I guess. Then, a certain someone I dislike decided to start some stuff..OVER THE INTERNET. If there is one thing I can't stand, it's when someone is scared shitless to your face, and then get brave over the internet. So, that just added to my frustration..after that it just seemed to build up. Have you ever had one of those days where you just hate everything about yourself? Like, your attitude, the way you look, the way you feel? Yeah. Today was one of THOSE days for me. And it sucked. I cleaned the inside of our house until it was completely spotless! It took me about 4 hours. I scrubbed my anger away. After that every part of my body hurt. I waited for Ryan all day. After spending only a few minutes with him, everything melted away. I'm back to my normal self. I love that about him. Seriously, he's like my other half, as cliche' as that sounds, he just completes me. I made muddy buddy's after dinner..mmm..they're so delicious! They make a bad day better too, just like icecream. We are heading to the store in a little bit. I'm in need of a ton of stuff for my flower beds & garden. Tomorrow is yard work day! Woot woot. I have developed a green thumb, or should I say, I'm trying to develop one. Anyways, that was my day..a shitty one. But, even my bad days aren't really so bad, so I should just shut my mouth now.

I'll get back with you tomorrow after all the hardwork is done!

Good night all!