Last week Dr. Wang said, you know we can see that you're trying your very best here. Maybe this is just you- maybe you're just that brittle and sensitive. Lows and highs are normal for you. We're going to try to tweak it so they're not so bad, but I think all of us are doing everything we can here. Don't get discouraged. That was the best thing I've ever heard. To be honest, this HAS always been me-- up and down, up and down. Well, technically, I go down so much, the highs I have are all rebounds from the lows. My lows are not normal, like today before lunch my blood sugar was 20! I was fully functioning and aware! Yes, at 20 I was "normal". It's insane, but I'm so low so frequently, they don't really bother me very much. The highs I experience are simply rebounds. My body is in a state of panic, so it keeps everything that I eat, and keeps my blood sugar high. They're very rarely in the 200's. That makes me happy. Under 200 is ok! I mean some people's "highs" are 350+. So, maybe, just maybe this IS normal for me. You know, nothing is better working than the human body. The insulin I take from a vial, via suringe is NOT what God had planned. So, I can see why it wouldn't work as well. I mean, to me it's understandable that it wouldn't work in a way we'd all want it to in a dreamland. It's man made, not natural; Its being used in a natural being, there are bound to be some quarrels between the two.
I do have an insulin pump. It's still tucked away in the box it showed up at my house in. I haven't gotten it out to look at it or anything. I don't want to. I don't want to rent an insulin pump. If I'm going to have one, I want it to be MINE, and I want to use it forever. Therefore, I've made the decision NOT to use it. I feel like it will make me lazy. I've been a lazy diabetic for years and years and years. I'm finally on the right path now. I mean, I just started this strict journey on Dec 15th 2010. I don't want to go back the other way, I cringe at the thought of knowing that freedom. I KNOW I'll take it to my full advantage. It wouldn't really be my advantage, but I'd see it that way. I'm going to continue to follow a strict schedule, insulin dosage, and diet to help control my diabetes. Maybe one day when I can afford it, I'll have the pump. Maybe by the time that day comes, I'll be so used to living a healthy diabetic life style, that I won't take the freedom a pump provides for granted. I'm content with my decision. It's the best for me. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut. I'm trusting mine now.
I'm proud to say that I've been working my butt off for the past month to rebuild my life. I see no end in sight, which is a good thing. I'm going to continue on my path of righteousness. That's the best I can do.
In other, more funner news, the planning of the tea party baby shower is going splendidly! I am so excited. I'm a lover of anything vintage. My mom and I spent a good part of the day in a few thrift shops! We bought 5 bags full of cups and saucers, a Japanese tea set, and a whole set of vintage dishes that also came with tea cups. To boot, everything was 30% off! So we ending up getting 5 over flowing bags of glasswares for practically nothing! All my new found treasures are going to be my decor in my kitchen/dining room in our new place. We don't have a new place, but soon! 12 weeks until Max is here, a few weeks to recover, and I should be good to go as far as needing help. Then we can move out of my parent's house, and back on our own! Ahhh, it'll be great. I also bought a very special tea cup and saucer for myself for the baby shower, it says "mother". It was a little pricey for a tea cup, but worth every penny! My husband spoils me rotten. He's already said twice tonight, that now I'll need a China cabinet. I love him, dearly. And Max is doing good! He's constantly beating me up. I never get mad, it's so relieving to me to have him move. It's the same feeling for Ryan too! Whenever possible I let him feel, and he gets the biggest smile on his face, and usually kisses the little man. I have a feeling I'm in for the best years of my life soon enough!
My tea cup... LOVE IT!
That's all I have for now!
Until next time...
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