Losing my mind

Today was one of the most stressful days I've had in a long time. It may not have seemed that way to others, but I was (and still am) losing my mind. It wasn't supposed to be so bad. As we're all very aware, I'm doing my best at this. Or at least, trying my best! Any ways, today I kind of felt like I've been wasting my time even trying...
First off, I had an opthalmology appointment @ 10 A.M.  The dr kept asking me why my forms said "urgent". I told him I wasn't sure, I had just had my yearly work up last April, and wasn't yet due again. Everything in 2010 was perfect, exact words of the dr "by your eyes I couldn't even tell you're diabetic." He asked how my blood sugars have been, I said the best they've ever been, which is the truth! My hemoglobin A1c is 6.2, probably even lower now, because I have even better control. He said that he'd be surprised if he found anything wrong with my eyes, but dilated them any way. 40 minutes later I was back in the chair. He shines the big light in them for all of a minute, and ends with "well, I see diabetic changes for sure. I need to see you back in 6 months." I was shocked. SHOCKED! I asked what could I do to fix or prevent anything worse. He said, "control your blood sugars. Control your blood pressure. Be healthy. See you in 6 months." And then told me I could exit and make the next appointment at the front desk. I've never had anything wrong with my eyes other than my horrible vision. Which, is not due to diabetes. I've never had "diabetic changes". I'm so terrified. I've been doing much better controlling the blood sugars since last year, hence why we've even been blessed with Max. So, I don't know how this could be! I went from perfect eyes, to "diabetic eyes" in a mere 9 months? Scary stuff. That and the fact that 88% of T1 diabetics go blind in their life time... Well needless to say, I'm stressed. I'm going to make an appointment with my normal eye dr who I've seen for the past 14 years, Dr. Kode. I know I'm coming up on my 15 year anniversary of having diabetes, and there's bound to be complications at some point, but nothing can prepare you for when those actually start to arise. I'm just trying to keep positive thoughts for now.
2nd bad part of my day, the OB appointment in the diabetes clinic. My blood pressure was high for the 3rd week in a row. 143/84 to be exact. I've never had this problem until recently. Actually up until 3 weeks ago, my blood pressure has always been low. So, now I have to do another 24-hour urine test, and mass blood work ups. I asked how I could correct this, they said "try diet & exercise". Well, that's hilarious, because YOU told me to stop exercising! If I hadn't would I be in this position right now? Good thing I've added a light workout routine back into my life recently! The diet I'm not worried about, I do have a well balanced diet. I'm just scared. I don't want to develop pre-eclampsia, or have this affect my son. I'm going to do whatever necessary to try and keep it down. No salt, more water, exercise, and try my best to keep the stress level down. Aside from worrying about my eyes and the blood pressure, I also got REAMED for my blood sugars today. I'm not doing anything I'm supposed to, says my drs. But, in reality I am. I'm not sure if it's because they see so many women who don't do what their supposed to, that they just assume none of us do, or what the issue is. But week after week of bashing me for not doing right, when I am is wearing me down. I see why, if you didn't have a conscience that you wouldn't do the crazy things they expect. I do though, have a conscience, and a bonafide love for my son, so I follow everything.
We were at the hospital today from 9:45A.M. to 4:15 P.M. I was so glad to get out of there , but it left a lot to think about. It's still lingering. I'm still upset. I've kept it to myself, but really I want to crawl under a rock and just hide for a little bit. I can do this though, tomorrow I'll be in a better mind set. I'll have had time to evaluate everything. I just need to cut out the sodium, increase the exercise, and down grade the stress. The stress will be the hardest. Especially with everything that's going on right now. To escape it would be a Houdini move. I'm going to try my best though! Don't sweat the small stuff, right?
Sorry for the boo hoo posting, I just needed to write it out.
Until next time...